Today is September 24, 2012.  It seems an eternity since last I wrote.  Time is like a thief in the night for I cannot catch it and make it stay still.  Hours are wasted a way into the air.  Mostly because of the bouts of depression I encounter. So I wanted to write a little about this. Perhaps someone who suffers as I could learn to understand their own struggles with this demon from hearing about mine.

Last week my dog Harrison died.  He was  big black lovable Labrador that I had since the day he was born to my female lab Angel 8 1/2 years ago. It started a few weeks ago when I notice a large lump under his armpit and observed him having a lot of difficulty getting up and down, in and out of the car, as well as heavy breathing. After consultation, ex-rays and tests we decided to have surgery to try to give him a few more years.  The surgery did not go well, and he had to be put down.
ISattered.  That's when this bout of depression began. For  three days I could not leave the house, or my bedroom. I'm tired, cry all the time.  The ache inside just wont go away and I'm trapped in a body that finds every movement extreme effort.

Depression is a monster.  It keeps you trapped in a dark hole.  Like a theif in the night, it comes and smother's you with darkness and sorrow, and binds you down with it's heaviness. I wish I could really explain it so that others could know what a devastating experience it is.  I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere.  There is no joy, and such a heaviness in my heart.  All I can do is live through it, go through the motions of living, and in time the pain will dull, and I will be able to face life again.