Another day, and I'm trying so hard not to cry but the emptiness inside is crushing. The sun is out and I am here in my room sans energy, sans desire, sans motivations.
I think if I could be anybody but myself today maybe I could find some type of peace. Just a hopeless overwhelming feeling choking me so I can hardly breathe. What is wrong with me? I just feel sooooooooooooooo hopeless and alone and guilty that I feel that way. I just so long for yesterday.
When I was a kid, Lynn and I would pick the wild grapes in the woods and gather the flowers from Mr. Bougese's compost pile. (he had a local greenhouse/flower business.) Oh how my childhood days of fantasy were filled with dreams and wishes and hope. I just can't get them back.
It's another holiday weekend and we have no where to go or do. We got a $4000 bill for back taxes and I don't know how that will be paid. AND if one more person tells me how wonderful their vacation is or how much money they made this year, I will scream till blood gushes out of my pores.
That's it. Can't even write any more right now. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
